Vosges Mo's Bacon Bar -- Review and Rating

I know it's been a long time since I last reviewed/rated anything...but this one product got me in the mind-set to do it again.

Vosges "Mo's Bacon Bar"...

What is it? It's a chocolate bar with bacon.

The label on the front reads:

"applewood smoked bacon
alderwood smoked salt
deep milk chocolate

45% cacao"

Eh..."45% crap" is more like it. (It would have gotten a higher "crap percentage" but, in all seriousness, the chocolate itself was incredibly tasty. Furthermore, I think they invented the term "deep milk chocolate"...but I digress.)

Now, don't get me wrong...I think the thought process behind this is brilliant: "Let's take two things people LOVE and combine them." But, while I guess they were looking more for a "You got your peanut butter on my chocolate...you got your chocolate in my peanut butter" moment, to me -- it failed miserably.

I first heard of bacon chocolate bars from my friend in Texas a couple months ago and was quite intrigued to try one. I think our overall opinions were pretty much the same: We really didn't like it.

I liken it to getting a Hershey Bar (actually a yummier chocolate than that...but not dark...my preference will always be for dark), a container of Bac-O-Bits, and a small bowl of Kosher salt. Next, tequila-shot style, take a bite of the chocolate bar...let it semi-melt in your mouth...pop in a couple Bac-O-Bits...chew them up with the chocolate and while you are in the process of gagging at the thought of something really chewy and not normal IN your chocolate bar...dip the tip of your tongue...just ever so slightly...in the Kosher salt.

There! You have it. Pretty much the same exact taste with the same abnormal mouth feel.

And all for considerably less than the $6.99 I paid for the "privilege" of tasting this 3 oz baco-bar tonight.

This "taste treat abomination" gets a whopping "Production Points" score of "1".*

Lastly, the woman who puts this chocolate bar out undoubtedly thought the write-up on the back of the bar's packaging was her personal resume...and, boy-oh-boy, did she pad it. I think the only thing she left out was being the "teacher's pet" in third grade.

Perhaps if she were a tad more humble and used less words describing how "extensive and incredible" her culinary background, I'd try her other flavoured chocolates. As it is now, I'll pass. By the sheer volume of exotic and non-exotic locations she's visited, it seems she doesn't need the money, anyway.

(See all those words above the ingredients [under the windmill] and "Nutrition Facts"? It's basically all about her.)

*"Production Points" scoring: 1 is the worst...10 is the best.

Chobani Yogurt

Don't even get me started with those so-called "Product Reviews" - face it, someone you don't know decides they are the end-it-all authority on whatever they're rating...

Certainly there are some reasons why you'd want to get someone's valued opinion...a big purchase item such as a car or computer; but why does everyone out there in "Internetland" feel compelled to let you know which hot dog, potato chip, or vodka they and their three college-bound (eventually maybe) buds think? And, most importantly...do I REALLY want to trust some unknown guy's opinion whose last claim to fame was commenting "heh u sux man" on YouTube's video of David Blaine's "card through the window" trick?

These are the same people, undoubtedly clueless again, who have photos of themselves online, pointing to the newly shaven pubic hair they glued to their friend's face while he was in a drunken stupour.

But, hey - maybe he knows his vodka, so let's let that bag of chips fall where they may...

...and talk about me for a while.

The origin of this blog has been inside me for years - but, one day, on an Ambien-induced late-nite search for "Chobani Yogurt" (blueberry to be exact) a few months ago...I came across another blog who devoted a whole write-up about it. They loved it - and the comments there read like some teacher's pet report card remarks:

"Wonderful!!" "Great!" "Pricey, but THE best ever!"

I in turn, wrote mine down as well, which was a little less appropriate than the grade-school garden varieties above it...(and I quote):

"I just Googled this as well after downing my very first…the blueberry flavour. I’ve had yogurt before and I’ve tried lots of brands and kinds and this, seriously, is THE best I’ve ever tried.

It’s better than ice cream, pudding AND sex…combined. Or separately…depending on your “tastes”. "

So, with that one innocuous little post, I officially came into the product reviewing fold -- I was now one of the faceless minions who do the Internet's bidding - armed only with a computer, some link, and the wherewith all to take a few minutes of my time, I commented on a much less than high-priced ticket item. I was, in essence, the proverbial everyman - with a very small mission - so here I am.

Oh, I'll still extol the virtues of Chobani yogurt - the blueberry's the best - altho I did have a batch once of "not so good" - but this only solidifies in my mind they are more "batch tasty" rather than "forced in some homogenized artificial factory (*cough* Dannon) way" - and I appreciate that. In real life you don't always get the tastiest apple, the most succulent mango, the 'to-die-for' heavenly cherry - sometimes you get the "eh" one and sometimes that kiwi you just tasted makes you wince and nearly pucker up like that time you bit into an unripe persimmon.

So, please, don't take my word, exclusively, for it - but if you want to taste THE best yogurt you will ever wrap your lips around - try it for yourself.

At around $2 for a 6 ounce container - expensive-ish...but beats any yogurt I've tasted in years. Blueberry: 10 out of 10 Production Points; the others 7-8 out of 10.